I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
