when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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