that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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