I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
