that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
