i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
