I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
