Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
