That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
