i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
