i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I believe in your delicious
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
