He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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