clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
