just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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