I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
