can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
