i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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