my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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