She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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