he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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