you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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