I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
