he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I believe in your delicious
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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