fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
