You smell like stripper and shame
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
