I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
