Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The adults are the big ones right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
