we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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