I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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