So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize