grandma shit on top of the toilet
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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