Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
