I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You took a bar mat shot.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
