We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
