I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
