i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
