Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
