Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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