Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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