No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
