I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
