Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
