But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
