Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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