I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
