I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize