So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
