someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
