I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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