We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
