It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize