Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
