My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
