fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
