I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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