If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
