Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
