How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
