What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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