we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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