He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
