he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
