so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
